Raising our three young boys, Aspen and I have had to relearn how to be on clock time. For our first fourteen or so years together, we were able to follow the flow. We were able to wander in the Tao. We were able to forget all about clocks and time. But now that we have these little boys, we are having to relearn how to relate to schedules and other people’s time.

The school requires that our boys be there by 7:55 AM. The bus comes for them at 7:25 PM. To get them on the bus on time, we have to get up (in the dark now) by 6:30 AM. Aspen and I are night people and find it very difficult to wake up so early.

Later in the day, the bus brings them home at 3 PM. But school isn’t over even then. It continues on, ruining our family’s afternoons and evenings by asking the boys to do homework. Weird that. I never had homework in elementary school when I was a boy. And I went on to earn my PhD.

In addition to the school, Callahan and Aspen are in Karate. They train three nights a week. Jake is doing therapeutic horseback riding. He rides once a week. He’s also in physical therapy, sees his therapist once a week. Zane hasn’t figured out his thing yet. He will soon. He just started Head Start and already knows that he likes school.

Except for the weekends, there isn’t another day of the week when we can really flow. There are regular, ongoing appointments for the boys on Monday, Thursday, and Friday. There is Karate on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings. And, of course, there’s school five days a week.

Also, whenever Aspen has something to do by herself, unless the boys are in school, I’m the one who stays with the boys – makes sure that they have something to eat, makes sure that they use the potty when they need to, and makes sure that they don’t kill one another. They’re good kids though, and I enjoy their company. I read them stories every night too. (We killed the TV!) I’m reading The Hobbit to them now.

The boys have lots of energy and need lots of exercise too. They need to go to the nearby parks. They need to go on walks and hikes and bike rides. Callahan is learning to skateboard, Soon he, and probably Jake too, will want to go to the local skate park as often as they can. They need their play dates with their friends too (no more just letting the boys out into the neighborhood – no other kids around.)

Also, each of the boys has at least one serious health problem. Callahan has a fairly serious attention deficit. He’s really smart but his brain is moving too fast. Because of this he has trouble processing. He’s scattered and forgetful, always losing things. Very sensitive too. I have heard though, that when boys like him grow up, they usually turn out to be really smart and creative. Callahan also has trouble going to sleep sometimes. He’s what we used to call high-strung.

Jake has Duchenne’s muscular dystrophy, the most severe kind. However, he’s apparently on the low end of the severity scale. But he is showing the signs. He takes steroids to slow down the muscle degeneration, has been for over two years now. But then, because of the steroids, he has trouble controlling himself and his emotions. Jake is really smart and wants to know everything about everything and is going to be a serious student, perhaps a scholar in his later years.

And Zane has a peanut allergy. Although he has had several obvious peanut allergy reactions, we still took him to an allergist for testing recently. And sure enough, the doctor said, Zane is allergic to peanuts. We have to be very careful and make sure that he eats nothing that has peanuts in it, not even a little.

Most of our time is spent being mom and dad. We start at 6:30 in the early morning and don’t get off duty until 8:30 at night when the boys are finally in bed, going to sleep. (If Callahan is able to go to sleep!) Most of the time between the early morning rush to get them on the bus and the nighttime rituals, those that end with hugs and kisses in their beds, is spent cooking, shopping, cleaning, doctoring, transporting, refereeing, wrestling, and giving them lots attention. Kids really need a lot of attention.

Writing this, I glance at the here and now and realize that the fall carnival over at the boys’ school is starting now. The boys really want to go. I hear them. I get us all ready, and we head on over. It’s a short ten-minute walk. On the way, it hits me that I am in the flow now, the dad flow of helping my boys to have a good time.

I see that I have to learn to differentiate and then mediate between my own flow and my flow as dad. When I see it this way, I see that, for most of the time, I am flowing. When I see it this way, I see how I can better put the two together in order to stay even more in the Tao.

I also see that I do need more space to follow my own flow. In addition to being dad, I am also a writer, a kitchen table holy man, and a medicine man. I love acid and the wisdom that I can access with it. I want to do it more often than I have recently. I am trying to be Wanderer while accepting the limitations imposed upon my energy flow by our boys and their school and other schedules.

It’s starting to happen. I can feel it coming. When I am in the flow, magic happens around me. Gifts from the universe begin to come my way. Everything becomes easy.

Eugene Marks