Chapter 3 – The Scholar

Studying The I Ching

He’s up in the mountains, near Idyllwild in Southern California. He has been studying the I Ching while Karen is singing in the choir here. Right now, he’s reading the middle section, the spiritual wisdom section of the book. He can easily see the difference between the consciousness of Jung and the Jungians and the consciousness embedded in this holy book. For Jung, the goal of consciousness is to be in a conscious relationship with the various parts of ourselves and the archetypes. For the Chinese of the I Ching, however, the goal of consciousness is to be conscious of the various patterns that one finds oneself in, as well as how to be the superior person in each of these patterns.

Jung was an introvert and saw everything in inner terms. However, he’s not like Jung; he’s an extravert, more like the creators of the I Ching. That’s why he has trouble relating to Jung anymore. Jung’s work was to see the archetypes in dreams and to help others to connect to these powers within the psyche. His work, as he sees it, is to see the patterns in a person’s life, to help the person to be conscious of these patterns, and, most importantly, to help him or her to live as a superior person in each pattern.

As he has become his true self, he has left Jung and Jung’s ways to focus more upon the I Ching. He remembers back when Stan passed through and turned him onto the book. He just reread the hexagrams he received then when he first asked what his relationship would be with the book. He received Deliverance, moving out of danger, and Approach, the approach of a teacher to the student. It’s uncanny, but since then the book has certainly become his teacher.

He never fully followed Jung. He never followed Don Juan, although he thinks he’s very high, especially when he sounds like a living I Ching. He does follow the I Ching though. He follows those very wise men of ancient China, still living on in spirit for all those thousands of years.

He doesn’t follow Don Juan maybe, but he certainly learns from him. Don Juan and the men who spoke through the I Ching would have understood each other completely. They have had common spiritual experiences, common images, and a common spiritual language.
.

He wants to offer a class in the I Ching. He wants to help interested individuals to consult the book. He wants to help them to understand the patterns they are in and the messages that they can receive from the book. People here at the music festival know of the book, seem to be on the edges of it. Some even have coins. However, except for his friend Stan who turned him onto the book, he knows of no one else who has read the middle section of the book, no one else who understands the spiritual significance of this book.

He’s seeing too that he doesn’t have to put the Bushman within himself together with the Whiteman. He’s finding that this is impossible anyway. Instead, he can bring the Bushman together with those ancient Chinese sages, with their ancient and worthy way of the I Ching.
.

The Sage

Reading the I Ching, he remembers back to 1966, to about this time of year, when his friend Stan came through LA, on his way from New York to San Francisco and the Haight-Asbury hippie scene.

Stan tried to turn him onto acid and the hippies then, but he wasn’t ready. He did think that he was ready for the I Ching. Although, if he had recognized the danger lying within it, he might have rejected it too. But after all, it was only a book, and he knew books and how to relate to them – or so he thought.

Stan showed him how to consult it as an oracle. He also showed him that it was a book of wisdom, teaching a way of life. Inspired by Stan, he asked the book several questions and it seemed, with Stan’s help anyway, to be addressing itself to his concerns.

That night he dreamt he was in Westwood Village, near UCLA where he had been going to school. Suddenly a huge wave of water came roaring down the nearby canyon, destroying everything in its path and threatening him where he was standing. In seconds, there was utter devastation; all that was familiar was gone. He was safe, but barely, as the waters receded.

He woke from this dream scared yet somehow awed by the power of the water. After awhile, he fell back asleep and dreamt again. This time he saw an old Chinese man driving down the street, heading south in an old, 1938 car. As he was passing, the Chinese man saw him, turned left and headed towards him. He was wearing the traditional robes, blue and gold, with the little round hat on his head. The sage was coming to talk with him.
.

The first dream was showing him the danger of the enthusiasms that Stan was bringing – especially acid and the hippies. It was telling him that somehow Stan and his energy had dangerously activated something in his unconscious, something that threatened to overwhelm his ego and destroy his school trip at UCLA. He saw that he could be swept alone by all this enthusiasm of Stan’s and lose control over his own life.

The second dream suggests a more positive relationship with the I Ching. He wonders if he’s a reincarnation of an ancient Chinese sage, as he is of Ishi, perhaps even a reincarnation of one of those sages who wrote the book. He knows, from reading Jung that meaning comes from a person living with consciousness. A sage creates the Tao in the world by letting the Tao live him. It’s not magic. It’s just living the meaning in the situation, instead of trying to manipulate the situation.
.

Change and the Flow

The I Ching teaches him to identify with change – with the process of change really, with the Tao itself, the flow – and not with any permanent structure. The holy book teaches him that only change is real, that it is the only constant, that all else is ephemeral.

He can only be the Superior Person in whatever life pattern he finds himself. This is his only true identity. He has to let go of any idea of himself as a permanent personality, separate from the patterns he goes through in his life.

Most importantly, the I Ching teaches him to trust himself to the flow of these patterns, that there is a natural development of personality inherent in this flow. By entering the changes, by following the flow with consciousness, by striving always to be the Superior Person, he is allowing for the development of true personality.

Until recently in his life, the main reason that each change that he has gone through has been such a big deal, has been so difficult and traumatic for him, is because he has always identified with the previous, with the dying personality structure. He has naturally always resisted what has seemed to be death for himself

He sees though, that, with the help of grass and acid and, especially with the conceptual help of the I Ching, he is coming to identify now instead with the process of change that’s going on within and without him. It’s becoming easier for him to do so now that change is coming faster and more often in his life.

The stability he has always striven for is gone for good. Now he feels more like a man leaping down a mountain slope, from one unstable rock to another, never stopping. He no longer even tries to stop at whatever present rock he’s briefly dancing upon on his way through life, although it sometimes still happens.

As he dances through life now, being briefly the person each situation asks of him, he usually doesn’t have time to reflect on who he is. He just is. When he stumbles or falls though, as he has done lately, then he can stop briefly, can take temporary form, and reflect upon his being. It’s been good for him here, slowing down and seeing who he has become. He likes it that he’s so warm and friendly and has so many folks liking and respecting him. He doesn’t like it that he’s still so insecure with Karen, but he’s learning.
.

Consciousness

He’s struck by the essential difference in consciousness between the Chinese and the Western cultures. The Chinese see the Tao, as having the energy, with man’s role to be conscious of where he’s at in this flow of energy and to act accordingly. Western man, on the other hand, sees himself as having this energy at his own disposal and as being able to achieve whatever he desires with it, limited only by the so-called physical laws of nature.

Chinese consciousness places the highest value on knowing where one is at, on knowing which pattern one is in at any particular time, in essence, upon consciousness itself, especially consciousness of meaning. Western consciousness, on the other hand, places highest value on controlling the energy and on achieving one’s purpose, whether or not it is meaningful or goes along with the beneficent flow of the universe.

Chinese consciousness is earthy and practical, yet follows the Tao, the way of meaning. It touches the earth, yet reaches the heavens. Western consciousness, with its Christian one-sidedness – separated from the body and from any spiritual meaning not given explicitly by the early Church Fathers – doesn’t have, yet needs this earthiness, needs, more importantly, a connection with Spirit that is meaningful and relevant to life here and now.

With the help of the I Ching, grass and acid, as well as the mountains, He has let go of his original identification with Western consciousness. He has opened himself to both the Native American and the ancient Chinese consciousness embedded in the I Ching. Native American consciousness is closer to that earthy and meaningful Chinese consciousness than to the consciousness of Western man, cut off from its roots both below and above.

Working on himself these past years, he has become a unique blend of the Chinese, the Native American, and the best of the West. His consciousness is unique. He was born out of his childhood operation and the insanity he fell into then, born also out of his later search for the treasure he had found then as a young boy, the treasure of his certainty of God’s love. He has been born out of his dreams, his medicines, the I Ching, and the mountains. He is in a Whiteman’s body, yet he’s a Chinese sage, a reincarnation of Ishi, and a shaman in the tradition of Castaneda’s Don Juan.
.

Life Artist

He’s still at the music festival in Idyllwild. He just dropped a hit of Clear Light acid. He’s sitting on a big rock on the side of a hill above the festival. He’s naked but for his necklace and his thong bracelet. He’s tense for some reason, but he still feels that he’s in a very good place. He wants to connect to Ishi here. Ishi has been very quiet lately in his life.

He’s taking a long time to come on to the acid. He can feel it, but only faintly. He feels a tension in the air too, feels it with his body, as if something were about to happen.
.

He’s been a healer. He doesn’t know who or what he is now. He envies those who do. He has worked so hard to get out of his inner world, out of his depression and fear. He doesn’t want to go back into to it, even to help another. He wants to heal rather by example, by just being in the world, centered, calm, and enjoying himself.

Just as people can be artists with their painting or their music, so he is an artist with his life, maintaining the opposites within himself and expressing them in his life in a creative whole. He’s a life artist, a living image of a man as animal and as spirit, as both Ishi and the superior man of the I Ching.

He is seeing the value of the European consciousness. It evolved to become a bridge between the true East and the true West, between the Orient and the Native American. As invaders, as powerful yet uncultured barbarians, the Whiteman’s true task was to become the body upon which these two great world centers of consciousness could merge and become one.

He’s one of the first to embody this new merger of East and West. He wants to share the way of life that comes from this merger of these two higher consciousnesses in the European body. He wants to share this way by example, by living it out fully in the world.

He’s coming together in these mountains. He’s bringing really disparate elements within himself together into a new creative whole. He’s finding that he’s much closer with other men now. He has always before hidden among the women and the introverted. This has always held him back. Now he can come forth.
.

Thunder! And rain. This is what his body has been waiting for. Immediately, he feels renewed, joyful and free, and very high on the acid. He knows who he is now. He’s the storm riding in on the wind. He’s all the world, happy to be alive. And he’s about to go down to camp and give his first conscious and solo performance as a life artist.
.

Chapter 4 – New Life

The Sail Car

He dreams that he and Karen are finished with their work and have come home. They have made a very large, maroon and blue sail for their car. The mast is already up but the sail isn’t completely sewn yet. Karen is doing this now, and soon they’ll put it up.

In his dream, they live next door to Ed and Jovi. Ed is his professor friend from UCLA, and Jovi is Ed’s girlfriend. Two years ago, the four of them found the camp at Dinky together.

They stop by to tell Ed and Jovi that they’re back. They ask them to come out and see the sail go up. They notice some other neighbors are outside and tell them too. Soon everyone comes over to see their sail car, as they put up the just finished sail. He and Karen are very excited and proud of it. Ed and Jovi and their other neighbors really like it too, think it’s beautiful.
.

His dream is confirming his feeling that he’s finished working on his head for now. In his inner world, he has created a new and healthier balance between the masculine and the feminine, between his head and his body. He’s ready to take himself out onto the road of life for a test drive now.

In the outer world, he and Karen will have enough money saved by spring to stop working and go on the road for a year. They’re home free. Everything’s coming back to normal in their lives.

They have a sail for their car so they can follow the flow wherever it takes them. The sail is on his city car, his old VW bug. His dream is saying that they can flow even here in Berkeley, and that, with such a sail on his car, they will really stand out.

Ed’s an example of what the I Ching means when it speaks of the Creative as being the easy. Ed’s friendly and open, a good man and a good friend. He’s does this without effort. Jovi’s the same as a woman. His dream shows him and Karen connecting to a more sociable side of themselves, a side more outgoing and friendly.

His dream is saying that the work that he and Karen have been doing on their heads and in their lives is done, that now they can stay connected with the more gregarious and friendly sides of themselves.

The main thing that his dream is saying is that they’re ready to flow with Spirit now, that they have dealt with their personal stuff for now. In particular, they have become nice people, good friends, and are now ready to set sail upon the seas of life.
.

Far Seeing

He dreams that it’s his birthday. He’s at the beach. His parents are here too. They give him a really good pair of binoculars. He likes them very much but hesitates at first to take them, mostly because he already has those opera glasses of Karen’s. He only hesitates for a second though. These are awesome, very lightweight and far seeing. He takes them and thanks his parents.
.

At first, he thinks his dream is saying that he’s getting back the gift of his far-sightedness. He has thought for a while now, ever since last April anyway, when he was up at Dinky, that he would be getting his normal far vision back soon.

Something happened at Dinky then that really blew him away and started him thinking that his vision would soon be healed. He was walking alone in the woods. He was tripping and didn’t have his contacts in, wasn’t wearing his glasses either. There was a little rock on the ground that he wanted to see up close. But before he even had a chance to bend over, he was somehow seeing the little rock clearly as if from a few inches away. He found that he could hold this image too, for as long as he wanted.

When he did bend down afterwards, until he actually was within inches of the ground physically, he saw that all the little details in the rock and on the ground around were exactly the same as what he had seen before he had bent down.

Because of this experience, he came to see that his vision was not completely dependent on his eyes and their physical structure. He felt that, even if his eyes were physically damaged, he should still be able to see perfectly, as he had briefly that day in the woods. He still feels this way.
.

Listening to him share his dream, Karen suggests another meaning to it – that he’s getting back his gift of far seeing into the future. It’s true. There have been times when he’s been very clear about what’s going to happen in the future.

Sometimes, however, he becomes confused as to where he’s at in time. Usually when he’s confused like this, he thinks that what’s going to happen in the future, is really happening now, or at least would, if he mentioned it, nudged it a bit. Perhaps though, in spite of his sometimes confusion, he is a prophet. Perhaps he can truly see into the future.
.

Abby

They met Abby while they were interviewing for a housemate. As soon as they met her, they knew she was the one. With her, it wasn’t really an interview; it was more like a first date, one where they all knew they were going to do it.

Abby’s eighteen. She younger than the rest of them, especially younger than he is, yet she’s easily as wise and tuned in as any of them. Their house came together when she came to them.

She’s a stoner and into acid too. Their house is an acid house now – which is probably why Joe Shaker likes to hang out here so much. Abby came to Berkeley from somewhere in Connecticut. She came out here with a boyfriend with whom she’s breaking up.

She’s a whirlwind of energy. When she gets into the kitchen, she gets all of them into one of her projects, ranging from bagels or pizzas from scratch to special vegetarian casseroles. When she wants their attention to let them all know something, she imitates a siren going off, interspersed with, “announcement, announcement, announcement,” usually said loudly at least three times. She has them all doing it, that and, “go to the bathroom,” when one of them has been bad.

With her here, they all feel as if they’re ten years old. They feel like family – brothers and sisters, with no one above, no one telling them what to do. They’re putting out good energy as an acid family. They usually have a lot of folks hanging around here all day and into the night.

Karen and Abby are like sisters, more so than most sisters. Abby’s the younger sister that Karen never had. They like each other a lot. It’s really good for him to be around them, feeling the warmth and love of their femininity.

He really likes Abby too. He had a dream of her. In it, he wakes up in the garage and goes into the house to use the bathroom. Abby has put up new curtains in the bathroom, other things too – all a rich blue with a striking design. He really likes it. She comes in and hugs him, lets him know that she feels the man-woman thing between them too.

He does like Abby, they all do. He and Abby turn each other on. Good. He likes the energy between them. She’s the first woman who’s turned him on that he hasn’t had to fuck, hasn’t even wanted to. He has Karen for that, now that they’re close again.
.

Joe Shaker

He met Joe at the Rap Center in the Free Clinic last spring. Joe looks like your typical Berkeley street person. He has no shoes, and he sleeps in his clothes on various porches around town. Joe showed him several of his sleeping places. He has a hard life.

It’s by choice though. Joe was a wealthy criminal lawyer in Texas just a few years ago. He got into trouble with the law himself for smuggling grass into one of his clients in the jail. He went on the lam then, just walked out of his house with the clothes on his back.

He said he hitchhiked around the southwest and up and down the West Coast for six months without stopping. He would usually get a ride that would give him a place to stay for the night, but sometimes he would just sleep near whatever road he was hitching on and then start out again in the morning.

Now he panhandles for the Emergency Food Project here in Berkeley. He gets maybe twenty percent of what he takes in. That’s where he got his name, Shaker, from shaking the metal box that the official panhandlers use. He makes two to three times more than anyone else makes, usually between twenty and fifty dollars a day. He’s a character.
.

Last night Joe came over and bought an ounce of pot from Cheno, Bobby’s friend. They all expected Joe to visit with them for a while and then leave, but instead he stayed for hours, smoking joint after joint. Before he left, he had smoked and shared most of the ounce. He saved just enough to last until he could shake more money off the streets the next day.

Joe told him last night that he has found himself to be unfriendly and negative when he isn’t stoned. Because of this he gets stoned every morning when he wakes up, before he relates to others. He says it’s his sacred duty, his way of making the world a better place.
.

Boundaries

He dreams he’s with his parents. They tell him that he can’t draw. Then they leave. He sits there afterwards and draws a hand and some flying birds. The images flow out of him. He wants his parents to know that he can draw. He wants to tell them that they were wrong about him again.

When he wakes up, he grabs some paper, and starts drawing his left hand. He doesn’t understand the dream really, but he feels challenged by his parents’ negative attitude towards him. His first attempts aren’t so good – he’s too fast and needs to slow down – but they get better now that he has dropped some Clear Light acid.

Each attempt he makes is better and stronger. He has made several attempts now, and already he knows that his dream parents were wrong. He realizes also that he can draw better if he really looks at the world, really notices why it looks as it does. He realizes that this is what his dream is trying to get him to do – to slow down and really look at the world around him.

He finally draws his left hand perfectly, giving his parents the finger with it. “Up yours,” he says, “see, I can draw.”
.

That night he also dreams that he has his camp set up in the mountains, and there are lots of people camped very close to him, lots of city people with tents and cots and stoves and lanterns. He goes over and tells them that they are too close to him, that he needs them to move further away.
.

Joe Shaker is here now. He drops some acid too, asks for some grass. But Joe makes it’s difficult for him to focus. He’s beginning to have “he could move in” thoughts about Joe. He feels that folks like Joe could take him over if he would let them, and then he would have no privacy at all. He can understand his dream now of all those city people camping too close to him.

He’s okay now, alone in their room in the garage, but in the house he loses his center to Joe and the other folks there. He becomes afraid, especially afraid for his body, so he keeps returning to the sanctuary of the garage. He hopes no one follows him out here. People are attracted to his tripping energy, but he can’t handle it when they approach too closely.

In the garage, he realizes that he’s angry too. He knows that anger functions to create distance. This anger is what has been hurting his body. If he stays connected with it though, it won’t be able to hurt him. He won’t even have to let it out on others. He can use it instead as a barometer, telling him when he’s not getting the space he needs.
.

Joe’s very much into acid and tells him that he sees acid as his Sacrament, as his way to God. Joe feels that God lives in the acid. Joe’s different than he is though. He has no interest at all in who he is. He’s happy just to use grass and acid to become higher and kinder. Joe’s not at all interested in the mountains either.

The only thing he and Joe really have in common is their use and love of grass and acid. He’s never known anyone like Joe. Joe has completely let go of his past, of all his attachments to life. He seems, at least when he’s high, to be a modern day Medicine Buddha.
.