Chapter 43 – Summer’s End

A Dream of the Distant Future

He dreams that he’s told to stand in this line for an airplane flight. He’s to present his dark blue ID card. He’s told that the woman ahead of him in line will be carrying a notebook among her other things and will leave it on the ticket counter when she goes on. He’s to say, “I’ll take care of this” and then take it on the airplane with him.

He stands in line behind the woman as he was told to, patiently waiting his turn. She does leave a notebook on the counter. He picks it up, while the airline person behind the counter is looking at his ID card and preparing his ticket. He says to her as he’s supposed to, “I’ll take care of this.” She asks him if he has ever been to Denver. He says he was born there. This blows her mind. He flashes on the fact that his ID card showed no birth information. He wonders how she knew.

He takes the notebook and leaves. It’s now this book that he has been writing in all these years, that he’s writing in now. He enters a classroom where everyone is awaiting the teacher. All the other students are nice looking women. He sees his place towards the front of the class and walks towards it.
.

There’s a weird and powerful feeling with this dream, a feeling of a very long span of time, as if this airplane flight is going to take him into a distant future, to a time in his life when he’ll be somehow different.

He’s still writing in this notebook, although he’s not trying to be creative now, merely chronicling the inner and outer events of his life as they occur. He can’t see from here how his life will ever become other than it is now

He wonders too about Denver. He was born there. When he was there recently, it felt familiar, as if he had lived there before. He really liked the nearby town of Boulder too. Maybe in some distant future of his life, he’ll be living in Denver or Boulder. Maybe someday, he’ll be writing seriously again. Maybe someday, he’ll even be the teacher that everyone is waiting for.
.

Jonathan and Acid

It’s been difficult for Jonathan and him lately. Karen doesn’t really like Jonathan and has her hands full with Ariana. She refuses to mother Jonathan at all. And he does need a lot of attention. He’s beginning to see what divorce does to kids. Even if it was right for Pamela and him to divorce, it left Jonathan where he can get attention from only one of them at a time. This makes him more needy and more difficult to satisfy when he’s with either of them, asking each of them to be both mother and father.
.

He and Jonathan ate a taste of acid the other day, in desperation almost, wanting to see if they could connect better from that space. It wasn’t a big thing, yet it seemed to have made a difference. They certainly had a good time together. He’s thinking of them both doing some tomorrow, maybe even a whole hit.

They can all go to West Fork tomorrow, and he and Jonathan can do some there. He looks at him now though, and sees that he’s still just a kid. Jonathan’s really is trying to please him. It isn’t his fault that he’s the only parent that he has here. Maybe he should drop acid alone. Maybe it’s all his problem anyway. Maybe he’s just overwhelmed and not being very high with him.
.

He sleeps on it, and the next morning he decides to do it alone but to let Jonathan hang out with him for the day. He wants to see how he relates to the energy before he gives him more. Also, he wants to focus more on himself as a dad than on Jonathan as a son.

Up at West Fork, they stop in and say hello. He tells them he’s going to be doing acid. He knows a quiet place by the little creek behind their land. He and Jonathan can sit there in the sun while he’s coming on. They probably won’t be disturbed; most of the folks here are busy or gone today anyway. Karen and Ariana are going to hang out with Karen’s friends here in the garden and the house.

He gets really high. He doesn’t spend much time on himself, on what he’s going through. He spends most of the day, hanging out with Jonathan, talking and sitting in the sun. He really opens up and shares. He can readily see from here that any problems he has been having with Jonathan come from him not being high enough. He decides that he’ll wait to turn him seriously onto acid when they go backpacking in the mountains later this summer.
.

Vision Questing with Jonathan

He’s somewhat reluctant to go backpacking with Jonathan. He’s not sure why, although he guesses that it’s because he’s having trouble justifying the time off. He and Karen are struggling so hard and barely making it as it is. He and Jonathan are going though. He’s exhausted from so much doing. He needs a break. He needs to recharge himself. Jonathan really wants to go. They need the time alone. They’ll leave here tomorrow in the morning.
.

It’s the next morning now. The weather was supposed to be clear and sunny today, but here at the trailhead, it’s raining fairly hard. It’s late afternoon already, and they won’t be able to hike in and set up camp before dark, especially in this rain. They decide to sleep in Sam overnight and hike in early tomorrow.

That night he dreams that he’s friends with this Native American who lives in the city. The Native American wants to give Jonathan and him some acid. He wakes up knowing that he’s supposed to hike in, rain or not, and do acid in these mountains, probably turn Jonathan on too. It’s wet and cold, but they’re going in anyway.
.

The next morning, they hike in four or five miles. It’s very beautiful here. Jonathan especially likes the hike through the lava fields. They find the perfect spot to camp, on a rocky rise in a meadow where they can view the snowy peaks further above them.

After setting up camp, they each take a taste of acid and go off on a cold and wet three-mile hike in the rain. It’s beautiful here. He imagines how it would look if the sun were out. They’re both cold and discouraged but not about to give up yet. For one thing, they decide that tomorrow they’ll stash their packs and walk back out to Sam to get the tent. They should have brought it with them, but he was sure, from what the weather person said, that it would be clear and sunny by now.
.

Early in the morning, they set out for the van. It’s still cold and wet, but at least they’re warm from the exertion of the hike. They spend almost the whole day hiking out and back. Their packs are still here when they return in the evening, and soon they’re inside their tent, dry and snuggy for a change – much better than the tarp, for sure.
.

When they wake up the next morning, they’re both really glad they brought up the tent when they did. It’s really raining hard now. They’re really discouraged and think of leaving today. They decide though, to stick in out for a while longer. He knows they’re being tested, but neither of them has any stomach for many more rainy days together in the tent.

They lay around all morning, taking it easy. They’re getting along all right, but they’re bored – many more days like this, and they will start getting on each other’s nerves.

They take a long hike later, in the afternoon, just to be outside. They hope the sun does come out here soon. They would like to be warm and dry and able to enjoy being here.
.

Several mornings later, the sun pours into their tent when he opens its door. It feels like a miracle. There’s frost outside – a whole new world for them to see and play in. They dress and rush outside. He feels so good; he even does a dance of joy.

Later in the morning, it clouds up, and, at first, they worry that it’ll rain again. It’s not like before though, the clouds are higher and there’s still sun. The main thing now is that everything is dry. Their spirits are much higher now. He’s going to do acid.

They walk down to Linton Meadows. It’s so beautiful here. He does a hit of Clear Light, and Jonathan does a whole hit of his kitchen acid. As soon as they drop, the clouds disappear, and they know they’ve weathered the storm.

Later, at night, back in camp, it’s perfectly clear, not a cloud in the sky, and the stars are out and bright. They get a good fire going – even the wood is dry now. They’re sitting around the fire now, being warm. He’s feeling lots of love for Jonathan now, who’s off looking for his parka that he left back a ways on the trail. He says he knows where it is, and he has the flashlight.
.

This week here with Jonathan is like that week when he was alone at Dinky two years ago. He’s doing acid every other day here as he did then. Tonight he hears the same machine noises again. It’s easier here though, and he feels much more mellow. It helps to have Jonathan here. They’re going to take it easy tomorrow and lay around in the sun. The next day, they plan to start up the Middle Sister, doing acid again.
.

They don’t get very far up the mountain, but they have their best day ever. They do acid together again, and Jonathan gets very high. Coming on, he says that now he can see why people like G smoke so much pot – they’re trying to get to where you can really get only with acid. Jon’s into the dead trees, and the war, as he sees it, between the pine and the fir trees. He’s connecting to the different ages of the trees and through that to the different ages of man. He’s really connecting to himself with the acid, getting an overview of his life.

They’re leaving the day after tomorrow, early in the morning. He and Jonathan are close and happy and loving with each other. They’re both so proud that they outstayed the rain and found the sun in the world – and in their own hearts too.
.

Jonathan’s Dreams

While they were still together up at Three Sisters, Jonathan had two very important dreams. He had them the night before they did their big acid trip together. Listening to Jon tell his dreams, he found their timing significant.

Jonathan dreamt that he was an older man, sitting in his big, new fancy convertible, just sitting in it, enjoying the sun. He was reading from the book that he had written, the one that made him rich and famous. He was enjoying being who he was then.

Jonathan also dreamt that he was back in his junior high school in Santa Monica. Everything’s was the same as before, except that now he could see through all the walls at school. He could see through everything now. Seeing how things really were, he decided to help his teachers.

Jonathan told him these dreams when they woke up in the morning. He saw that they’ve had a big effect on him, especially his first one. He didn’t try to understand them or even talk with Jonathan about them yet. He just made sure that he had them in his head. Later, when they did acid together for the last time here, he keep them on mind, to see if the acid would carry their meaning along further.
.

During their trip, when Jonathan focused on the different ages of the trees and, through this, on the different ages of man, he began to understand what Jonathan was going through and what he was learning at his deepest levels. Jon had been given a vision of himself as an older man, an image from the totality of himself. At this time of transition in his life, he needed a very positive image of himself, one that he could grow into.

All his talk of the trees and their different ages was to let himself see that he won’t always be as he is now, that one day he will be a grown man. Through his dream, he was looking into his future in order to take a true measure of himself as a man.

His second dream showed him what this future image of himself means to him now, how he’ll be in his present life because of this image. He’ll no longer be the unconscious boy he was. He can’t ever go back to sleep again. He’s awake now, just as he is becoming a man. And he has important work to do in his life – his book that will make him famous. He needs to get started on it – maybe not writing it yet – but at least living his life with awareness from now on.
.

His Own Power Dream

He dreams that he’s in the city. Everyone he knows is working for this scary boss man who is mistreating his friends and not being very nice at all. He sees that the boss man keeps most of the money his friends earn, without doing any of the work himself. Because of this, he puts energy into bringing all of them together. At first, this doesn’t seem possible. There are serious obstacles to this – mostly his friends’ fear of their mean and powerful boss as well as their fear of change.

He’s convinced that they should all work for themselves instead of for the boss. He goes to the house where they all live. Before talking with his friends though, he goes back to his room in the house. It’s beautiful and serene here, with a colorful blanket hanging on the wall and his sleeping bag on the bed. He steps out back and inspects the little tool shed and the backyard.

He’s in the kitchen now. He tells everyone that he knows they have heard this before but that this time it’ll work. He tells them about his ideas, about the Work Force and cleaning houses and apartments but working for themselves. Everyone likes his ideas, but they tell him that he has to first defeat their boss in one-to-one combat. Their boss is a huge man, a giant almost, who controls everyone through fear.

They’re all out in the backyard now. They get squared off – him and the boss – with the rest of the folks watching. The boss charges at him, and he drops to one knee and trips him. Then he rises up, throwing the boss over his shoulder. He rushes to him, as he lies on the ground, and using both arms, with his hands together, he administers the coup de grace to him. Now maybe the folks will follow him.
.

This giant boss who has been scaring all his friends is the straight world. It’s hard to go against the system. He can see that he has been just as afraid as his friends were. He has been trying to get them to join together with him because of his fear of going it alone. He needs to deal with his own fear first, and then maybe they’ll follow his lead. He knows in his heart that they would all do better working with each other, sharing what they make, instead of giving almost all of it to the system.

A long dream to tell him something fairly simple. If he wants people to follow him, to stop working in and for the straight world just because they’re scared, then he has to overcome his fear of the straight world himself. He has to set a successful example.
.

Chapter 44 – Back to Work

His Head Comes Back On

He hadn’t really noticed it until he’s been in Eugene, but his creative and healing head has been turned off for a long while, at least since he left Berkeley. There’s no support for a thinker in Deadwood, and he has been busy, struggling just to survive. But now. . . .

He has been reading several new and exciting books about dreams lately. When they’re situated in Eugene, he’s going to start a dreamwork group along with his private practice.
.

He feels starved for deep inner experiences. He misses working on his dreams and helping others with theirs. He has tried to be like the folks in Deadwood but he’s not like them at all. He’s not a back to the earth hippie. He’s an intellectual, a creative and spiritual being

A part of him wants to do acid soon. Another part of him wants to slow down on grass so he can dream more. He wants to do both so he can recapture his connection with magic and Spirit. He knows that once he’s working as a healer again, he’ll experience this connection in his work too.
.

The dream space has been less important to him of late because he has integrated the ordinary and the magical worlds into one world. Magic is always alive when he’s awake. Then he can be objective and look at himself and capture the meaning of his life in the world. He doesn’t need to wait for a dream to give his life meaning; it’s there all the time in everything that happens around him.

He can relax really – dreams will come to him when they want. All he has to do is to relax and let it happen. He’s getting more and more excited every day to go into Eugene and start his practice up again.
.

Eugene, Oregon

He likes it here in Eugene. It’s calmer than Berkeley, but there are lots of longhaired folks about. There’s intelligence too, what with the university here. They’ve only been here several times, and they have already found two very good natural food stores.

It doesn’t rain as much here either – only fifty inches a year on the average, compared to the over one hundred inches a year in the coast range. His body likes this – his knee has been hurting from all the dampness in Deadwood. It needs to dry out in order to work right.
.

They stop at a store called Country Living. It’s really a treat seeing a place like this, full of useful tools and books and catalogs. More importantly, there’s a sign up saying that one of the apartments over the store is for rent. It says to check with the owner who has a shop of some sort in the back.

They go on back and see that it’s a VW repair shop. That’ll be handy for Sam if they do live here. They meet Cecil Strange, the owner of the shop as well as the building in front. He’s a very interesting person. He was majoring in philosophy, doing graduate work back East somewhere, but decided that he liked to work on cars better. Cecil reminds him of the guy who wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Cecil takes them in front to look at the apartment, and they decide on the spot to take it. It’s only one bedroom, but they’re still going to be spending some time at their place in Deadwood. Also there’s a really big closet that Karen can use for her own quiet space. And Ariana can sleep in another, smaller closet off the bedroom.

Later that night, back in Deadwood, he feels totally bummed out. He wishes he wasn’t here at all. He’s not even enjoying being with Karen and Ariana. He’s very angry. He doesn’t feel like seeing anyone or doing anything here. He just wants to go back to Eugene. He really likes it there.

The next morning, he loads Sam with everything he thinks he might want to be with him in Eugene. He’s taking a lot more things in now than Karen is. He has much less of an attachment to Deadwood and the folks here.

In Eugene, they quickly get all moved in. Everything’s great, except the refrigerator doesn’t work. Cecil says he ‘ll fix it in the morning. He realizes he can ride his bicycle again. He has hardly looked at it since they left Berkeley. He sees that it will need attention before he can ride it again.

He’s going to start a dream-sharing group next week and somehow build up his private practice. He’s back to where he can do what he’s good at. He’s home again.
.

His Work in Eugene

After he’s settled in their apartment, he checks out the therapy scene here in Eugene. He knows that most of the folks are licensed and working for insurance money. He doesn’t bother with them for now, although eventually he would like to meet any Jungians who are working here in Eugene.

He checks out the flyers for workshops and groups, things like that. He’s checking out the competition, so to speak. There really is no one into dream work here, nor the I Ching, and certainly no one is into acid.

He hears about a place called Whitebird. He visits them. They’re modeled on The Free Clinic in Berkeley. At first, he thinks of helping them, getting some experience there and letting them see his work. The place though, is sort of depressing. Karen says that he’s impatient, that maybe he should wait until his practice takes off, that maybe then he won’t have time to work at Whitebird.

He takes in all this information. He finally decides to forgo working at Whitebird, rather to focus on his own work – on being the healing and spiritual being that he is.
.

He and Karen put up flyers, as they often did in Berkeley. And the flyers work the same here as they did there. They begin to attract folks to them here too. Their flyers are interesting, attracting people’s attention. They offer free headchecks, i.e., free initial consultations. They call themselves People’s Medicine, with the allusion to acid for the wise. They get many calls.

At first, he’s impatient and becomes discouraged when it doesn’t happen all at once. Only one man comes to his first dream group. He keeps putting up flyers though, keeps answering the phone, and gradually things pick up. At his next dream group, nine folks come. And it’s a very good session. Everyone wants to continue.

More and more folks call every day. He’s picking up at least one new client a week. He knows though, that folks usually stop therapy around the Christmas holidays and don’t return until February at the earliest. He’s certainly not making enough money now, not enough to take them through the holidays with so little work then.

He’s nervous about their situation still, but the I Ching has given him the hexagram, Peace, every time lately when he has asked about their finances. They’ll make it. Karen wants to work with him again, do couple counseling together, and help in the dream group too. They may even do a workshop together later. This encourages him.
.

Kesey is Closed Off

One day, hanging out in Eugene, he realizes that one of his old acid heroes, Ken Kesey, lives out in the country just east of town. He thinks of calling or visiting him soon.

He read Tom Wolfe’s book, The Electric Kool-aid Acid Test, and was really turned on to Kesey and his Merry Pranksters. He saw him as a hero, a pioneer, exploring where acid could bring all of them together. He read his books too – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and Sometimes a Great Notion. The setting of the latter was downriver from Swisshome, on the Siuslaw River, just a few miles before it emptied into the sea. Every time they would drive into Florence on the coast, they would see the old house that was supposed to have been his inspiration.

When he was just getting into acid, Kesey was one of his main
heroes. His inner Kesey used to always encourage him to decide for himself, no matter what was to be decided. He would say things like, “Do you know what it would be like to trip every day? No – well, then try it and see for yourself.” He has followed this advice ever since.
.

He met Kesey once in Berkeley, not long before he left there. He was showing a film of an interview with Tim Leary in prison. This was after Tim had been caught in Algiers. He was doing the film to help free Tim. He spoke with Kesey afterwards. He seemed kind of spaced when they talked, but he hopes that he’ll still remember him.

He doesn’t want to barge in on him, so he calls him first. Kesey answers the phone and says hello. No, he doesn’t remember him. No, he doesn’t want to see anyone. No, he isn’t being friendly at all. Respecting him for what he was once, he politely says goodbye and gets out of Kesey’s scared little life.

He knows from Wolfe’s book what Kesey went through with the law and all. He knows that Kesey has been defeated and has retreated back to living with his family up here. He knows that he hadn’t written anything in years. He can understand why he’s being so closed.

He sees folks like Kesey as examples of how little the acid high affected their normal heads. Kesey’s the same as he was before he did acid. Joe Shaker is like this too, still the same straight asshole he always was, unless he’s stoned or tripping. Kesey did get very high and had a lot of fun, but it seems that he wasn’t able to integrate any of it back into his ordinary life. What a waste of good acid.